A year ago I chopped off my hair. It was a decision fueled by frustration and anxiety, as I was never good at keeping my hair relaxed, presentable, AND healthy. The loss of my mom made it worse since I looked to her for hair advice. I was clueless as to how to keep my hair from falling out. I was tired of the grease, the hair pieces, the constant, CONSTANT itching and dandruff, and the self-consciousness of my appearance. It was time to make a big hair change, and stick with it for once.
I am making an executive decision, ya'll. I am either taking the bus to Chicago or driving there myself. NO PLANES. Every way I cut it, plane=too expensive and not convenient enough.
Also-and this is one of the main reasons I don't want to fly- April is smack dab in the middle of allergy season. Last time I flew during allergy season, my ears wouldn't pop and I threw up from the pain and passed out from extreme disorientation. It was very scary, made scarier by the fact that it had never happened before and I was all alone when it did.
Of course, if airfare drops like woah, then yeah, I'll risk it. 1 hour on a plane is waaaay nicer than 5 hours on a bus.
Did you know you get money back on your taxes for being a student? Did you know that amount can offset whatever taxes you owe due to a job you might have had that didn't deduct taxes from your paycheck for half the year? Yeah, I didn't. It was a wonderful surprise.
It's been over two years, why am I not over it yet?
I'm the kind of person who needs to talk out their problems. Now I can't do that and it hurts. So. Much.
I just spent over an hour on the phone with my dad before he hung up to take another call (which is FINE. I KNOW I talk too much), but I've been holding in a whole week's worth of stuff and an hour isn't enough time. I'll just have to keep holding it in. Until I explode. Or get a therapist.
Music Theory: Astronomy On the surface it sounds easy, until you open your book and realize, holy crap, there are numbers and charts and lots of intense note-taking. Everything builds upon everything else, so if you understand A and C, but not B, you're kind of fucked.
Choir: Potions Either you get it or you don't. You can't practice in class; you have to study the book in the library until you've memorized all the directions and, in theory, know what you're doing. Then you come to class and pray you leave having created something acceptable. And if you get stuck with an incompetent partner...ho boy.
Piano: Transfigurations The teacher shows you the right finger placements and movements, and then you practice, practice, practice. In class the next day, you show her what you've accomplished and you're graded according to that success.
Private Voice Lessons: DADA Here, you learn how to be a badass. You're learning all the tricks. learning how to be awesome at what you do and to never get caught off guard. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Musicianship: Divination To pass this class you must have a natural talent for what's being taught, or a natural talent for faking. The teacher has a lot of knowledge on the subject, but no definite teaching methods and no set lesson plans. Sometimes you sit in class and wonder why THE FUCK this is even a requirement because really, how do you even TEACH something like this in a way everyone will understand?
I made ten tulle tutu chair covers for a ballerina-themed party tomorrow. I'm debating whether to charge an hourly fee or just a flat rate fee. Hmmmm...
Classes are over until the Jan. 16. The kiddies get Winter Break from Dec 21- Jan. 5 or so. I might work at the cafe weekday mornings for those two weeks in January to get some extra moolah in my pocket.
The birthday job will be nice. For about the same pay as working at the cafe for a day, I can work less hours and have a bit more fun. I have a ~*fashionista*~ birthday to host after Christmas that sounds pretty fun.
That 'Keep Your Head Up' by Andy Whatshisface is my new jam. Every time I look at my credit card bill (which is homg SO HIGH right now, fuck you car for breaking down TWICE in one semester) I sing the song in my head and it makes me feel better.
I have come to the conclusion that my idea of budgeting is ALL. WRONG. My New Year's Resolution will be finding a method of budgeting that works for me and actually stick to it. I also want a flat stomach and firm booty by ACEN.
My dad approves and encourages my over-working. Every time I tell him another one of my friends thinks I should consider cutting back on the weekends I work at the cafe, or quit a job altogether, he scoffs and says "Yeah, but they're not paying for school." and then I go "I KNOW RIGHT?" and when I mention my wanting to pick up more hours at the cafe he always agrees it's a good idea. So. Now ya'll know where I get it. IT'S NOT MY FAULT, I WAS RAISED THIS WAY. Or something.
I have not done my fair share of cleaning in the apartment for probably months. I owe Chi so many vacuumed carpets and clean toilets and mopped floors.
Music Theory I Musicianship I Intermediate Piano Choir Voice Lessons Recital Attendance
Those classes only add up to 10 credit hours. And yet they each require just as much work as any 3 credit hour science class I took at SLU. Insane, yes?
So, I have plateaued in voice lessons. It's very frustrating and it fills me with a horrible panic-ey feeling that I know is doing nothing but making things worse. I really, really, REALLY didn't think going back to school would be this much of an emotional roller-coaster.
On a happier, and also shallow note, I have been complimented by no less than 3 of my professors and half the girls in choir on my sense of fashion. On the one hand I'm immensely flattered and pleased that people notice the way I dress. On the other hand, I want to roll my eyes. Freshmen! You too can be just as stylin' as me! Just don't wear sweatpants to class.
Two years ago today, my Uncle Jimmie passed suddenly and unexpectedly. My mom died one month and one day later in a similar fashion. Both of them were the youngest of the 5 siblings that make up the original core of my family. I like to think they're both just kinda hanging out together in heaven, watching over us and waiting for the day when we'll all be together again.
Silly Pottermore update: My other Pottermore account was finally confirmed. Took the Sorting Test, which had a whole new batch of questions. Yep, still Slytherin.
School Update: Our first choir concert is next Monday. I'm neither excited nor am I dreading it. Our choral dresses are a tasteful A-line, empire-waist, made out of some kind of shiny material, but a black chiffon overlay completely masks the sheen. They are made suuuuper long, so Chi helped me hem mine last night, and tonight I'm hemming the dress of one of the sopranos who picked up her dress last minute and couldn't find a seamstress. We're singing 5 songs: Latin, German, Portuguese, Spanish, and English. It took a while to get used to the fact that we're just expected to learn all these songs on our own basically. Our director doesn't work through the songs with us sectionally, it's more like "ready, and sing!" and we just go until we're so lost we have to stop. I now know I'll have to work on the songs at home if I want to become a strong choir member. Us altos are a bit timid, and I'd like to be able to contribute more to our sound. Alto Power!
Speaking of voice parts, my voice instructor declared me to be a soprano today. She said I have a very clear, youthful-sounding soprano voice, but because I've sung alto and tenor for so long, I'm afraid of the high range. To test this, she's given me a new French song to sing, one that goes high AND low. She said she's really going to start pushing my high voice, since the notes are RIGHT THERE, she can hear them when I sing my scales, they're just shy and rarely used. I'll never have that booming operatic soprano voice, but I think that's what my instructor LIKES about my voice. I'm going to start practicing more at home, see if I can push surprise her (and myself) with just how good a soprano I can be.
Still gonna stay an alto/ tenor in ensembles though. I LIKE my manly low notes tyvm.
Health Update: Still have hives. They don't show up unless I scratch, and I can ignore the itching during the day for the most part. In the evenings though the itching becomes IMPOSSIBLE to ignore and I have to scratch scratch scratch until my skin is red and burning and covered in welts. Benadryl helps I think, or at least I BELIEVE it should help so it feels like it's helping. I realize I have to start taking better care of myself. Sleeping more, drinking more water. My voice instructor explained all the different ways a voice can be affected, and it was kind of eye-opening. It's a wonder I haven't damaged my voice yet. I talk too low. Didn't even know that was possible! And my allergies are affecting my high range, which is probably why I've always thought I couldn't sing high. Not sleeping makes my voice tired the next day, and I strain it even further by not drinking enough water and talking a lot.
Speaking of tired voices, I'm head teacher and it's pirate week and I've been yelling up a storm. The kids are having fun, but I think I'm going to have to be chill today. My voice is tired, my body is tired, my brain is tired.